what about when my birthday comes, who will buy my presents?, what about when I graduate, who will sit besides mak in my graduate picture? I miss u terribly ayah..
.:: The death of my ayah ::.
Walking down the hospital corridor
I grip hold of my mum’s hand,
Fighting against the tears.
I’v make too many phone calls.
To relatives, ayah’s friends and my friends..
Because, only half an hour ago,
I had been told my father can’t be save nymore.
Pleaz tell me it was just a mistake,
Just another misdiagnosis
And only half an hour ago,
The doctor told that he can’t do nytin..
And the half an hour had passed…
The male Indian doctor called me from the counter
‘u r his daughter’ he asked
I just nodded my head slowly..
‘can you give me your ic?’
‘I left it in the car.. but why doc?’
‘actually your dad had passed away at 5.10am’
I freeze on the spot
I glanced at the clock near the counter and it shows 5.15am
‘ go and tell your mom. I just can’t tell her directly..
Afraid that she’ll shock terribly’
OMG! No words.. just tears.. only tears..
Then I walked emotionlessly to my mum..
Mum repeatedly says syahadah to ayah’s ear..
I feel my mum’s arms around me.
Smell the comforting smell of her
Feel her heartbeat
And then, I realize… I’m crying hysterically...
‘Mak,, angah tak sempat nak mintak maaf kat ayah pun..
Doctor cakap ayah dah tak ada’
And my mom calmly say..
‘tak apa, ayah dah maafkan kita semua.. ayah dah tak ada dah ya angah..’
I'm not ready for goodbye
Not ready for the end,
Not ready for this reality.
I'm not ready for this life,
one without you in it.
I'm not ready for your goodbye.
maybe someone else's,
just not yours,
never ever yours.
I’v make too many phone calls..
To relatives, ayah’s friends n my friends..
Because, only half a minutes ago,
I had been told my father had passed away.
I just donno how to put a words..
‘ni angah, ayah dah tak ada.. (cryin)’
I feel so alone.
What can I take from this?
My heart is completely crushed